2009-02-03 18:29
school

Hm, I don't have much to say about school, actually, but I'm not good with titling things properly. XD But anyway, my anthropology went up! But it's still a measly awful mark - I'm just hoping that my Create-a-Culture project will bring it up next time. The teach said she liked it, but then she also literally failed more than seventy-five percent of the class the last project we did with a poster board (I got a seventy percent on that, oh Hermes) so I really don't know what she means by 'like'.

That said, I've been feeling very paranoid lately.

(cut because awin sounds like a whiny little brat)I keep on thinking that I'm going to do something wrong; that people are constantly judging me. It's not people that I don't know, but rather close friends - I keep on thinking that they're thinking bad thoughts about me, wondering why they even put up with me. It's 'cause recently everyone's been doing these memes on facebook about friends and such and people are all like saying that they think I'm cute or weird in a good way and such, but I always get paranoid when people compliment me - I always think they're trying to say I'm some awful person deep down inside and saying it in a way that I won't understand but everyone else will and then everyone else will be thinking, 'Oh this girl is such a freak, poor these people for being friends with her.' XD I do this a lot.

And my ex-best friend's birthday is coming up too and I'm still friends with her, so I'm getting her a present but I'm worried that I'll just seem too obsessed with the past and that she doesn't actually want to be friends with me, and only got me that present and wrote me that wonderful card last year for my birthday because she felt obligated and I don't want to make her feel obligated to give me another present this year for my birthday. D: I've known her for more than ten years yet I've still all this paranoia about it, which makes me feel awful because I'm doubting her friendship with me and thus doubting her and thinking that she's some two-faced person when I know she isn't. Hermes, what's wrong with me?

I wish I had more self-confidence. XD I just can't deal with school friends, really, since I haven't known them as long as my other friends, but I still really value their companionship. It's just that those ties don't seem as tight as those with people that I know from before school, so I always think that our friendships are less solid, more easily broken, and possibly even fake. I feel like some horrid person (but I suppose I am XD) for even thinking such about my friends (who are better than I deserve anyway, really n_n") but I can't help it. And since the schism with my old friends (not the family friends) in grade seven, I've realised that even those ties can be broken so I'm desperately trying to keep what school friends I have and my family friends as well because I couldn't bear to lose them like I did my other friends.

I really am rather pathetic, aren't I? XD


I have to write a three paragraph personal response about my family life with an extended metaphor of some kind. XD I haven't yet started, but it's due tomorrow so I'm trying to think of something to write - I was going to do a theme park but then BW said that she was doing that, so I was all like, 'Darn,' and can't do it now. XD I might just go and write about my grandparents' house being my castle though, with the rest of Tai Po as my kingdom - I think that'd be fun. XD

I've been drawing a lot lately, and inking too, now that I have nice Staedtler pens. xD It's a bit too fun, really, but now I have people all over my notes. XD I've gotten better at inking now though - a few days back, it was completely awful (I missed an eye by like, two milimetres, it was hilarious), but now the lines are cleaner. I'm hoping that it gets better with practice. XD

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